Archive for March, 2010

I am in the middle of a battle for my heart.  I don’t mean to sound too overly dramatic, but I know that there is a fight for my heart.  I know this because I am still breathing.  I may have come to know Jesus about 8 years ago, but that doesn’t mean the fight is over.  In fact, I know the fight is not over.

Christ died to cover sin, and He rose to defeat sin.  I know these things.  I have seen what He has done for others, and I have known what He has done for, in and through me.  Yet here I am.  Tired.  Broken.  Lost.  Maybe not lost in a saved/not saved kind of way, but lost within my faith.  The doctrine of grace has much support in our modern, western church.  As a believer in the perseverance of the saints, I do not question my salvation.  I believe Christ has died for my sins, and if that’s all it took for the thief (Luke 23: 42-43), then that should be all it takes for me (John 10:27-30).

Since it isn’t my salvation that bothers me, it must be something else.  God’s grace is sufficient, yet I still feel lost.  What am I missing?  Why does God offer grace?  Why is grace needed?  If we need to be lifted up to God, that implies that God is greater than man.  Interesting.  A simple statement that would find little argument from anyone who believes in God.  A simple statement, true, but a very deep one, as well.

I have forsaken God’s holiness.  I am blinded by the gospel of grace, and have forgotten the reason grace is needed.  Holiness.  God is holy.  God gives us grace because we are not good enough.  God sets the bar high, and we just cannot compete.  That seems simple enough to wrap my head around.  What, then, do I do with this knowledge?  God gives me grace to lift me up since I can’t seem to do it on my own.  Now what?  What do I do with this grace?  How am I supposed to act in light of this unmerited favor?  How am I supposed to live?  Why does life seem to get harder after salvation?

We are all in a battle over our hearts.  Christ came to give us life, so we can live big.  We have work to do.  There are people suffering in life, and suffering in death, and we have the antidote.  The problem is, we don’t even use it.  We have a hard time offering it to others, but I believe the problem stems from the fact that we don’t know what to do with it ourselves.  Antidotes are awesome.  They cure and heal.  They save us.  But we have to take it.  There is work involved, even if the cure is free, we still have to take the medicine.  Is our faith so different?

Paul writes in Romans, “Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—His good, pleasing and perfect will”.  Hmmm…  in a letter to Christians, Paul says we need to renew our mind.  I guess we have some responsibilities after salvation.  It looks as though there might be some work involved.  If I want to know what God’s will is, I need to be transformed by renewing my mind.  I need to renew my mind.  I need to be transformed.

Salvation is our ticket to get our foot in the door.  What we do once we enter the house is up to us.

It’s late, and this is long.  I’ll continue on this topic some other time.  There is a lot to cover, and I need to get to bed.

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